Author: Regency

Title: Harm's Journal

Pairing: Harm/ Other

Cateogry: Drama/ WIP

Rating: Bordering on R for sexual situations.

Disclaimer is way in the front somewhere.

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April 17, 2000

Dear Journal,

Things have changed since my return from flight duty. I didn’t expect things to be the same when I came back, but this is way too different.

The Colonel and I can barely stand being in the same room together and since she outranks me, I can’t very well walk out of a room when she comes into it. Can I now? Nope, can’t do that.

She and Brumby are now best friends. It wouldn’t hurt me so much if it weren't Brumby. But it is. *Sigh*

I’m just going through the motions these days. Wake up, come to work, work, leave work, come home, sleep. On and on it goes. I’ve made a friend out of Lt. Singer. People don’t like her, because they don’t understand her. She’s a good officer a good friend, and an even better mom.

A few weeks ago, I tried to kill myself. Why, I’m not too sure. Loren found me and there I was in the emergency room. All I have is a scar for my troubles. I go to therapy now. My therapist is good. She’s become one of my few best friends. She, Loren, and I got to lunch together all the time. Tiari is good at what she does. I’m glad to be her friend.

Then, there’s Harriet. She’s my second best JAG friend. We talk about inconsequential things. The weather, gardens, cars, the meaning of life. You know silly things.

My most trusted friend is Romeo. Romeo Shandon is a pilot, just back from flight duty under the same circumstances as me. He understands what I’m going through, ‘cause he’s going through the same thing. He works at another close by JAG office. We get together, whenever we’re both in town.

Well, I have to go now. I’m having lunch with Harriet, Tiari, Loren, and Romeo. For once our schedules have coincided, so that the five of us to have lunch together.

Now offense, Journal, but you’re really not helping. I think I need a break from you for a while. Bye.

April 7, 2002

Dear Journal,

Sorry, I haven’t written in a while. I do need you. You already know what's been happening in my life, so let’s go forward with this.

I'm not strong enough to compete with myself anymore. I'm only now realizing that, that's what I've been doing. Mac wants me to let go. At least, that's what she wanted three years ago.

Lately, we've been snappish at each other. I don't know why, though. It's just that when I get around her, I feel so angry with her. And I just snap. Maybe, Mac had the right idea when she went TAD a few months ago. I need to get away from JAG for a little while. I don't want to transfer, but I need a vacation from the familiar faces. I don't want to go on leave, because I'd have nothing to do. I think I'm going to go TAD for about four months. Three months just isn't long enough.

Guess what? Mac's dating again and you know what? I could care less. I knew she wouldn't wait forever for me and I'm happy that she's happy. I really don't think I'm good enough for her anyway.

You know what journal? I don't think I'm ready to be anyone boyfriend again, yet. But I would love to be a father. I know there is no way that could happen, unless I got with someone again. Not at this time. Or I adopted. I'm going to take that into serious consideration. I'll look into while I'm on TAD. If the Admiral approves it. *Sigh* Let's hope he does.

Harm closed his journal and lay it on his nightstand. He cut off the light and pulled up the covers around his shoulders. His last thought was,' A daughter would be nice.'

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Harm walked into JAG with a smile on his face. Apparently the Colonel had come into the office in a foul mood, spreading it throughout the office. The Commander's glowing smile lifted everyone’s spirits. He greeted everyone, including the Colonel warmly. He wisely ignored the Colonel’s hostile looks.

Once he’d gotten to his office, closed the door, and drawn the blinds, the smile slid from his face. He sat down at his desk and took out his journal. He began to write.

April 8, 2002

Dear Journal,

Where’d it all go wrong? Where did my best friend go? My best friend was Mac, but now all that remains is the Colonel. She’s in the same body, but with a whole other essence. She’s only Mac with her boy toy. I refuse to call him her boyfriend, because I know she’s using him to make me jealous and for sex. That’s her though.

I know for sure that I need to go TAD now. I’m seconds away from physically injuring her. And you know what, lately I’ve been seriously considering it. That’s why I’m questioning whether I love her anymore. I’ll never hit a woman, but I’m getting close to killing one though. Let’s pray that she never sees this. I just need to get to the Admiral’s office and I’ll be able to make it through the day. Please approve this, sir.

TTFN, Journal. I’m going to beg for a TAD assignment.

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I walk out of my office and make a beeline for Tiner’s desk.

" Tiner, is the Admiral busy," I ask him.

" No, Commander, I’m not. What can I do for you, today," said the Admiral from behind me.

" Can I talk to you, privately, sir?"

" Sure, Commander. Come right in." He opened the door of his office. Harm walked through it and stood attention.

" At ease, have a seat, Commander. What seems to be the problem?"

" Well, sir I was wondering if you would approve a request for me to go TAD for a few months."

"Why, Commander. Are you unhappy here?" The Admiral had an idea that the Commander was fed up and needed a break. Harm didn't answer immediately.

" Yes," he said finally. " Then, why don't you get a transfer to another office? We don't want you here if you're unhappy."

They both got a sense of déjà vu. " I'm not going to do that until I am sure the matters here can't be resolved, sir. I've left once; I refuse to make that same mistake again. If I find the problem to be me, I will request a transfer, not before, though. JAG is my life, sir. I thought flying was. It's nothing compared to this, this sense of family I have here. I'm not quitting without a fight. Sir."

" Well, good, Commander. I hope not. Your request is approved. Let's see if we can find someone who'll take you." He picked up his phone and made some brief calls.

" Well, Commander, looks like you're going to Afghanistan on the SeaHawk. Report to Norfolk Docks at 0900 tomorrow morning, if you're not there, they will leave without you."

" Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me, Commander. Thank Captain Pike and Admiral Boone for not keel hauling my six over the phone for this idea. You're welcomed anyway. Dismissed."

" Aye, aye, sir." He snapped to and exited his superior's office.

Harm walked out into the bullpen. As he was en route to his office he passed Lt. Simms.

" Lt., when you have a minute, could you please come to my office?"

"Aye, sir." He walked into his office and sat down to check his e-mail. There was a knock at his door.

" Come in."

"Sir, you wanted to see me?"

" Yes. Sit down." She sat." Lt., I need you to watch the office for me while I'm away."

"Where are you going, sir?"

" I'm going TAD to Afghanistan on the SeaHawk, tomorrow. I need you to take care of some things while I'm gone. You're the only one I trust to do the tasks. You with me so far?"

" Yes, sir."

" I need you to walk my dog, Mac."

" Mac, sir?" She raised an eyebrow. I raised one back.

" Yes, Mac. Problem?"

"No, sir. Wait sir, when did you get a dog?"

" About a year ago."

"Hum? Anything else, sir?"

" Yes. Talk to Singer."

"Sir?"

" Talk to her, Harriet. She needs you. She needs someone to turn to and with me being gone for the next four months, she's gonna need someone." Harriet tried to interrupt. " Listen, you may not know this, but Loren has two kids. Her husband died the day her son was born. Her daughter is four and her son is two. Riley Elizabeth and Naythan Victor Singer. She adores her children and will do all in her power to protect them. "

"I never thought that Singer had it in her. I want to be friends with her, but whenever I approach her she attacks me."

" She does that, because every person who has ever gotten close to her has died. Her step dad, her mom, her husband. She wants to be friends with you too, but you have a family and she doesn't want to take you away from them. She considers you family, though she's too afraid to say so. She has very little in the way of family besides me, her brother Victor, her sister Celeste, and of course her kids. She needs someone, Harriet." Harriet gave in, convinced.

" I'll try, sir, but I won't make any promises."

" Just the fact that you'll try is enough."

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Norfolk, Virginia

Norfolk Docks

The next day-April 9, 2002

0900 Zulu

For what Harmon Rabb was sure was the first time in his career, he was on time. If not a bit early. He couldn't help but smile at the massive structure that was the famed USS Seahawk. This was to be his home for the next four months and he was looking forward to it.

Harm walked silently through the bowels of the ship, saluting and nodding to fellow officers and enlistees. He took in every nut and every bolt. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depends on your perspectives, he ran right into a soft body. If it weren't for his quick reflexes she'd have fallen right on her six. She looked up at him with a look that stated her dismay at the incident.

"Sorry," he said gently. He released her from his grasp and stepped aside for her to pass. She genuinely wanted to be angry at him, but his haunted, yet innocent eyes wouldn't let her. They said it was an accident, that he just wasn't watching where he was going. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you. I was just looking around to see how much had changed since my last visit here."

"You've been here before?"

"Yes. Sometimes to investigate and other times to serve."

"I know you don't know me, but could you show me around? I'm new on this ship and I'm as lost as marine in a room full of Tomcats." She looked sheepishly to the deck and shuffled her feet."

Sure. What do you want to see first? Wait. Where do you need to be now?"

"The battle bridge, then, the flight deck."

"All right. Come with me." He led her through hatches up ladders, and around corners and finally to the battle bridge.

"Commander Hannah Kincaid, reporting as ordered, sir."

"At ease, Commander. Now, what the hell took you so long to get here?" Before she could answer Harm cut in.

"She was helping me out. I'd forgotten my way around and she was showing where everything was again." The Captain knew he was lying, but didn't bring it up. He just nodded.

"Commander, you'll be working two decks below in the on board JAG office."

"Aye, aye, sir."

"Well get to it, Commander" I snapped to attention and about faced, heading off the bridge.

"Oh, and Commander I want you to make sure Commander Kincaid gets to the flight deck later on."

"Aye, sir." And I continued on my way.

April 9, 2002

Dear Journal,

I couldn't that woman out of my head the whole way here. Her full, pouty lips, her dark, mysterious eyes. Once, I would think of Mac when I looked at them, but now…She has me desiring her in an all her own way. Hannah Kincaid, Commander. God, even Mac can't fill me with the desire Commander Hannah Kincaid has. Her slender waist and olive skin. Her full breasts and sweet smile. Her tiny hands and her longs legs. What I'd give to hold her like I did for a brief moment in the corridor. Her dark, sexy features haunt the back of my eye lids as we speak.

I've known her all of thirty minutes and my heart is already accelerating past normal. I want her, badly. so badly.

***************************************************************

July 15, 2002

Dear Journal,

I'm laying here on the bottom bunk, with Hannah slumbering quietly against my chest. So beautiful, so fragile, she is. I lightly trace the lines of her delicate features. A cute, straight nose. Soft, strong cheekbones. A full, pouty mouth, swollen from our frenzied and hungry kisses only hours ago. I wanted her so badly, and now I have her in my arms, more intimately than before.

Over the last few months that I've been here, she and I've gotten pretty close. When we're near one another, it's an effort not to kiss each other. It's not like Mac and me were. We're close, but got to the point before it turned into anything. It turned into something anyway. Neither of minds much. Yes, it's against all kinds of regs for us to be together, but what can you do? I love the way her body conforms to mine. The way I fill her to the hilt. I love it all and I'm too addicted to give it up.