Slam! 6: "Pieces of Cake"

Abbey's POV

I walk the halls of my...our home in Manchester. I can't shake the nostalgia that threatens to tear me into pieces and devour me whole. There was so much before...nothing's changed. And yet so much has.

These walls are home to the memories of our life...Our life together. We've raised three daughters, and a granddaughter here. We've gone from newlyweds to an old,um, middle-aged married couple in this house. We've held countless dinner parties in this house. We've grieved for lost loved ones...

We've made love in this house. We conceived at least one of our girls here on the rug in front of the fireplace. Ellie loves that rug. I bet she'd never guess why.

I trail my fingers over the frames and figurines on the mantle absently. If I'd been paying closer attention I'd have remembered that glass swan Jed gave me as a gift for our 32nd anniversary was right in the path of my wandering hands. And maybe I could have avoided the Earth-moving shattering sound it made as it was knocked off of its perch and onto the floor. The end result: A thousand tiny shards of glass swan spred willy-nilly around a small radius on the floor.

My mouth hangs open at the loss of such a gift. I feel a great sob swell up inside of my chest.

It's like a switch has been flicked. The room suddenly feels like a stranger's home. It's like that verse from that song by Dido:

I don't want to call my friends

They might wake me from this dream

I can't leave this place

And risk forgetting all that's been...

I think I can feel my heart shatter into shards to mirror those on the floor. He would be so angry...He would be, but he won't be because he isn't here to get angry.

These are the moments when his absence is so great, his fiction so real that I believe for moments at a time that he was just some too perfect fantasy. And I guess, he is...was. *sigh* Whatever. Is. Was. He will always be. He is my anytime and everytime. He is my always and forever. As I am his and together we are one perfect, beautiful being, one complete soul. That's how it should be. What I miss so much.

The footsteps are so careful that I miss them completely. What I don't miss is the soft kiss someone presses into my hair. I turn arond and there he is...And he's looking damned pleased with himself. Jackass. God, I love him.

I take a step towards him. He doesn't move, instead just rocks back and forth on his heels with his hands stuck deep into his pockets. Yeah, he's real pleased with himself. His eyes are sparkling. I take another step. I see he's losing the battle not the smile. I take another step closer to him. I could touch him right now. He moves closer to me. A little bit closer...

We're face to face.

"I could jump you right now." he says.

"I could kill you right now." I say. He loses his battle for control of his mirth. Oh, his laugh, I love his laugh.

"My thing's more fun." I laugh with him. I mean, how can I not? This mirrors that conversatoin of so long ago. The one we had before the censure, before my forfeiture of license, but after the diagnosis. That conversation long before the second Rosslyn, hell before the first one. Back when we were slightly arrogant and were still too stupid to see how fragile our hold on life and each other was. That was back then...We know better now.

He looks so beautiful; eyes bright and full of adoration for me. Love only for me. He doesn't have to speak again for me to know this. He reaches up and rests his hand against my cheek. His eyes are locked with mine. I know I'm all he sees.

"I've missed you so much, Abigail, sweetheart." God, I've missed him too. It's like he's reading my very soul.

"I've missed you too, Jed. So much. I can't tell you how much."

"You don't have to. I know." With theses words, those shards of crystal on the floor are irrelevant and the pieces of my heart slide back together in their never-ending pattern.

Everytime he goes away, I am shattered like that broken swan on the floor. But when he returns to me whole and happy to be home I am made new again.

As his arms encompass me, my head rests on his chest, under his chin and I wish there was some way, any way to tell him how I feel without him. And how much better I am with him and for his presence in my life.

"Everytime you go away...some part of me, some deep, hidden part of me shatters like a reflection on broken glass. It's the most intense... painful--I... can't really explain it. It just really hurts." Way to be articulate, Abigail.

He has something to say. " Let me try. The leaving is the hard part. Coming home, well, sweetknees, it's cake. Many pieces of luscious, red-velvet cake." Wow, he's good. He summed up my way over-taxed emotions, used a bad cliche, and made me hungry in the same statement. With what shall we reward such a glowing accomplishment?

"You want cake don't you? Red velvet cake to be specific?" He gives me an appalled look. Yeah, that's not working, cutie.

"Me? Abbey, you know I'm not supposed to have any cake, even if it is red velvet. What's gotten into you?" He did not just make me the bad guy here.

"Hey, if you don't want the cake, I'll eat it. You're right, you shouldn't be eating cake; especially red-velvet cake, anyway. More for me." I'm already on the way to the kitchen.

"Uh uh, leave my cake alone." I stop and turn to look at him. He's dreadfully protective of his family, but dangerously protective of his cake.

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna eat him up like so many pieces of cake. Red velvet cake, of course. Nothing else is worthy of the former Commander-in-Chief of my country and the current one of my heart. Besides, I can have my cake and eat it too. He can only watch and wait. And maybe I'll let him lick the 'icing' off my fingers.

Yes, Jed, I am going to devour you like you scarfed down that cake in the fridge. You think I don't know, but you are the one who has no idea.

Ha, it's nothing, but cake, babe. So many pieces of cake.

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