This Can’t Be The End

To:

From: 3rd1stDaughterWhiteHouse.gov

Subject: April 24,

I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. It’s almost over; one more month and I can reveal to the world that this has been a monumentally life-changing hoax. They’re going to love this. I know I will. I need to be able to gush and burst with happiness. I’m really lucky, I realize that now. I’ve got a beautiful son, left to me by a friend I was blessed to have. I’m pregnant with my beautiful baby girl due in just a few months. Yes, I’ve gone through some trying times recently, but for them I can make it. For them, I can be strong enough. I can and will endure anything.

Soon, it will be over and everything will be all right. I’m sure of it. I mean, how can anything else go wrong at this point?

CharlieCharlieCharlie

To:

From: FightingForEverythingWhiteHouse.gov

Subject: The Week of April 24-

You’re probably concerned about why you haven’t heard more from Zoey or you may already know the reason. Either way, I know this project is important to her graduation and I don’t want her losing any points for missing a check-in date. She’s a little preoccupied right now.

I just thought you should know what was up. It happened this week, as a matter of fact. She was at the graduation for rehearsal. I’ve seen how excited she’s been lately, with the baby (and Noah beginning to crawl) and her graduation coming up. She’s been cheerful and unbelievably happy for someone six months pregnant. She’s been beautiful.

Anyway, she was at her rehearsal and that’s where things started to go wrong…

wwwwwww

April 20: I was watching her during my lunch break from the back of the imaginary audience. She was prancing around in her cap and gown with some friends, pretending to give her valedictorian speech. I didn’t know that she’d made valedictorian, not that that’s something she would have told me. We weren’t really on speaking terms at the time. I don’t think she would have been happy to see me. There were times, then that I wasn’t even happy to see me.

So, she was laughing with Kisten, one of her friends and they were all posing like supermodels. They were having the best time.

Zoey went to stand behind the podium and pretended to make her speech. Her classmates rose in mock ovation and she bowed-Well, as close to bowing as she’d done in a while. She lost her balance and grasped the podium to steady herself. She was lucky that time, but the second time…Not so much.

She’d taken one step too far away and missed the podium when she reached behind her. She hit the stage like a ton and half of bricks.

ZoeyZoeyZoey

I’m moving, but I can’t feel the ground beneath me. It takes some work, but I can finally open my eyes. I see lots of agents. Maybe more than usual, maybe less. It’s hard to tell. I know that there’s a mask on my face, helping me breathe. I really don’t remember what’s happened. I just know that I was standing and then, I was falling. There was pain and then, nothing.

I lift my head up a little to try to look around me. I think I see Charlie running by my legs, but that could be wrong, since I can’t actually see my legs. I feel someone take my hand and that’s when I know it’s him. I know his hands. One of them rests on my belly, which to my surprise is quiet. I know my daughter and if she’s anything, active is it. She should be doing something right now, but nothing. I try to raise my hand to touch her, but I’m a little freaked out when I realize that I can’t move. Not even a little bit. Now, I can’t even raise my head. I shouldn’t be feeling like this.

My eyes drift against my will and darkness starts to creep in at the edges of my vision. My father’s claustrophobia starts to choke me and I gasp because there’s suddenly nowhere near enough oxygen in my world. I try to calm myself for the baby’s sake, but I can’t because I’m more afraid than ever that I’ve already hurt her.

I let out an involuntary groan as a cramp slams through my body. It doesn’t take a genius to know that this isn’t good. I shudder after my body arches off the stretcher and my mask muffles a scream.

“It’s okay, Zoey. It’s okay.” I feel Charlie rubbing my stomach in a way that I suppose he thinks is soothing. It’s really not. She isn’t moving.

“No! No.” I can’t think of anything else to say to God. I don’t want him to take my baby. I can’t say anything else. I can’t even breathe. “No.” There are tears on my cheeks and I hiccup. “Mom,” I whisper. I need her more than ever.

Another cramp overcomes me and I subconsciously curl around my stomach as though to keep my baby in. I know she’s not ready yet. Not even close.

CharlieCharlieCharlie

It breaks my heart to see the tears on her face and the fear in her eyes, knowing that I put it there. If I’d only been strong enough to stand up to my responsibilities, she wouldn’t be having these complications. She’d be having a healthy baby four months from now and we might even be married. That’s what should’ve happened. I should’ve stood up. I might even have kept the respect of her mother had I been stronger.

It’s safe to say that Mrs. Bartlet is no longer fond of me. She’s just a short of disgusted and a just a breath beyond cordial. If it weren’t for appearances’ sake, she wouldn’t be that. Besides, Zoey asked her to be nice. And well, she is some form of it. I’m just happy that she hasn’t maimed me yet. I know, though, that if something happens to Zoey or the baby that she will own my ass. And she might have the President’s help.

God knows I’ll deserve it.

wwwwwww

By the time we arrive at the hospital, Zoey’s been unconscious for nearly fifteen minutes. The EMT says that she’s started to go into pre-term labor and that the baby seems to be in distress. God, I‘m scared out of my mind. The woman I love and our child are in jeopardy. And it’s all my fault.

I’m held back when they take her into the OR. Medical terminology is going over my head left and right. All I know was that they’re going to try their damnedest not to have to deliver the baby today. They’re adamant that it’s too early. Six months is just too soon. Zoey told me that she wasn’t due until July 25. It’s only April 20.

Her parents burst through the doors in a panic. I’m their first target. I swear to God, I’ve never been more ungrateful for being like the only black guy in DC. Damn. I know Abbey is seeing red, but the President puts a restraining hand on her shoulder. He steps forward.

“Charlie, what happened?” I know they both think that this involves me and I guess, it does.

“Zoey was at her rehearsal. You know, her graduation rehearsal, and she was practicing her speech on stage. I wasn’t up there with her, but I think she got dizzy. First, she managed to catch herself on the podium, but the second time she’d walked too far away and couldn’t reach it in time. She collapsed.”

“Has the doctor said anything?”

“I haven’t talked to the doctor, but the EMT said that she had gone into pre-term labor and that the baby was in distress. They also said that they’d do everything in their power to make sure that they didn’t have to deliver the baby today. Six months is too early.” The First Lady grasps her husband’s sleeve.

“Yes, it’s definitely too early. God, I wish Zoey had come to me if she was having problems. She wouldn’t even tell me she was pregnant. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t tell me. She told her father.” The President looks at the floor and shrugs helplessly. “You know why. She’s told you what’s going on. You’ve been covering for her since before Christmas. What is going on?” He still doesn’t speak. She turns to me. “Charlie, do you know about this? What is going on with my daughter?” I don’t want to sell Zoey out, but I think the cat is out of the bag at this point.

“She’s doing an experiment to get her last two college credits, Psychology and Political Science. At first, she was pretending to be pregnant to see how the public was going to react and to observe it’s influence on the Bartlet administration but then she realized that she was actually pregnant.”

“Things went downhill from there, I take it?”

“Yes, ma’am. In a big way.”

“Why did you abandon my little girl, Charlie? Why? She loved you, but you let her go.” I sit down, still focused on the ER doors.

“I was scared. I mean, what do I have, as far as anything, to give a child. No offense, working at the White House is a great honor, but it doesn’t pay too much. What do I know, but the hood and bangers? What could I ever teach a child?” The President sits down next to me and assumes my stance.

“Well, you do know the mayor of Washington DC. You’ve met many a congressman. You’ve met foreign dignitaries and royalty. You’ve walked in on me and the Mrs. Barbecuing. You’ve got all these experiences here. These are all things that you can share. Not so much the one about barbecuing, but there are others too.” I chuckle but concede to his logic as most do.

The First Lady comes to sit on my other side and rests a hand on my back. “You can share them with Zoey too.”

“I want to. I’ve always wanted to.”

“But?”

“But when I was faced with suddenly being fully in charge of another’s life…I got scared. I wasn’t just in charge of one life, but two. Zoey’s and our child’s. I was afraid that I’d let both of ‘em down.”

“So you left to avoid letting her down?” I nod.

“I totally defeated the purpose.”

“Yeah.”

“I do love her. There’s nothing I want more than to be her husband and to be with her and our child, and Noah. I was just so scared.”

“I understand being that afraid, son. Someone’s depending on you, but take my word for it, the moment you hear that little heartbeat you’re stuck like glue. It all comes from there, Charlie. From that first moment…when you realize that this is very real. All you care about is keeping that little person and the woman carrying it safe. You know you’d die to that end. It doesn’t happen over time, but in this dizzying cataclysm that knocks you off your feet. It’s scary, son, but twenty-four years later, you’ll be glad you did it.” I nod, but my heart is beating fast at the very notion that I may not get the chance to experience that. A living, beating heart. My baby’s heart. I hate myself today.

“I messed up so big.”

“Yep.”

“I should’ve…”

“Stop yourself, Charlie. Don’t put this on you, otherwise, the rest of us will, too. If this little girl is meant to live, she will. After all, she is a Bartlet.”

“She’s a Barrington.”

“Bartlet.”

“Barrington, jackass.” I look between them as they argue over my head. This is what I’ve always wanted in a family. Parents who bantered, but loved each other unconditionally. That’s them. In thirty years, I want this to be Zoey and me, though hopefully under better circumstances.

“Your last name’s Bartlet.”

“My blood is Barrington and so is a fourth of that little girl’s.” I perk up at the second reference to the baby’s sex.

“It’s a girl?”

“That’s what I think Zoey was trying to tell me.” She looks to the President. “A girl, right?”

“What makes you think-” She looks at him with narrowed eyes. “Yeah, it’s a girl. Jeez.”

“Wow. I’m gonna have a daughter.” I lean back tiredly. “Damn, I’m gonna be knocking them off with a stick.” He just pats me on the back sympathetically.

“Man, do I feel you. I had three. At least, you have one boy. He’ll beat ‘em up.”

“If she comes out anywhere near as gorgeous as Zoey, there’s no amount of ammo that’ll keep them away.” Both of her parents chuckle on each side of me.

“It’s okay, Charlie. Our girl’s got a good head on her shoulder. The little one will, too. Just you wait.” None of us want to add, only if she survives. My daughter has to live, right? Because that would equal the ultimate injustice.

And there’s already too little justice in this world.

wwwwwwww

Zoey was in surgery for three hours before Dr. Nielson came out to speak to us. He wasn’t done yet, but apparently something was about to happen that we had to be consulted on. I was floored.

wwwwwww

“Mr. President, Dr. Bartlet, Mr. Young.” We all nod, though I have no idea how he knows my name. The Bartlet’s cling to one another instinctively.

“What’s happening with our daughter, Dr.?” He lowers his mask and takes a deep breath. I know that deep breath.

“Ma’am, sir…I hate to have to bring this to you, but Zoey is experiencing severe complications. Her blood pressure is fluctuating dangerously, she’s not responding to any drugs, and she’s hemorrhaging badly. We are going to have to deliver this baby today. Caesarian or vaginal, it is going to be life-threatening for both. So, before we do this, I need to know who you are prepared to sacrifice should it come to that. Zoey, or the baby.” I can’t believe what he’s saying. I can’t control my reaction as I fall to my knees. They’re all around me

“Zoey or the baby,” I whisper to myself. The love of my life or our child. Oh, God, what have I done?

“Charlie, sweetheart, you need to be strong, okay? Be strong.” I close my eyes against this nightmare. Abbey lets me go and retreats to stand by her husband who’s been left to make this decision alone.

“Our daughter, Abbey. How am I supposed to chose who lives and who dies? I can’t choose between our baby and our baby’s baby. Help me.” She wraps her arms around him and squeezes him with all her might. She can’t help him decide, because her instincts as a mother are at war with her instincts as a grandmother. Zoey would never forgive them for letting her daughter die.

“Do what you think is best, babe. I love you and will stand by whatever decision you make. Okay? We’re in this together.”

“We’re in this together,” he says to himself. He never thought it’d go this far.

The doctor, who’s been waiting patiently to the side steps forward. “Sir, ma’am. I need to know.” The President looks at me.

“Charlie?” I shake my head vehemently in denial.

“I can’t.”

“This is your baby, Charlie. You can decide.”

“She would want you to do it. You know her best. Both of you. I can’t choose, sir. Please don’t ask me to.” He nods and accepts the responsibility that he doesn’t want anymore than I do. He squeezes Abbey’s hand for strength and makes his decision.

“Do what you can, Dr. If you can’t save them both…just do what you can. Please. They belong together.” The man, also a father and grandfather, understands completely and leaves to make the most famous decision of his career.

I pray that this isn’t the end of a dream that hasn’t even come true yet.

wwwwwww

I’m too frazzled even now to remember what went through my mind after this, but her father can’t forget.

JedJedJed

Hours pass before we hear anything else. The press has been kept at bay. Leo’s come and gone, staying only long enough to say a few words that I didn’t hear. Zoey, my precious Zoey. My baby girl. I want to say that I’m sure I’ve chosen well, but I’m not. Abbey hasn’t left my side since the doctor went back to the OR, but she hasn’t said anything either.

She just rests her head against my shoulder and rubs my hand between hers distractedly. I’ve doomed both my daughter and my granddaughter. How can I ever forgive myself for that? How can my family?

“I’m so sorry, Abigail. I’m so sorry.” She looks up at me and tenderly strokes my cheek.

“Don’t be sorry. You did what she would have wanted. You did what I would’ve done. It’s in God’s hands now. If they’re meant to live, baby, they’ll live. You did what any father would’ve done. Never apologize for loving your family. Never.” She leans up and kisses me firmly, using her thumb to wipe away the subsequent lipstick mark. “Don’t ever change. This was not your fault. It was meant to be.”

“I guess.” How can I ever be sure?

“Don’t guess. Know.” I nod despite my misgivings. It’s in God’s hands now.

God be with my children now…

And God be with me.

wwwwwww

All I could do after that was watch those doors that held the future of my family. Whatever happened there was the difference between three daughter and two; the difference between a new life and a tragedy.

All I had to hold onto was Abbey and all she had was me. Thank God she was watching…

AbbeyAbbeyAbbey

I kiss Jed’s knuckles comfortingly and tangle my fingers with his. I can feel his distress as well as my own. This is an ordeal that will change our lives forever. My anguish is doubled as a doctor so used to doing good and giving comfort. I ache to be there with her now. I wish I could heal my child, as I have a healed a thousand others. I’m afraid that I’ll never get her back.

There’s so much I haven’t taught her yet. I haven’t taught her how to tempt a baby with a few drops of honey in their milk. I haven’t taught her how best to transport a toddler-Just let them hang on your leg while you walk. Seriously, they enjoy that. There’s too many things that we haven’t shared. It can’t end like this. I’m not prepared for it to end like this.

But in that same thought, I can’t say that I’d rather forfeit my granddaughter’s life in her place. I wouldn’t and I don’t think I could face Zoey, having chosen to sacrifice that baby. She’s as much a part of me as her mother. Mother is to daughter as daughter is to mother. Zoey is to me as the little one is to her.

This has gone too far. And there’s nothing left for me to do, but hold my husband together as he deals with the fallout of his decision. I can’t hate him, because he made the choice that I wasn’t strong enough to make.

I curb the urge to check his pulse or take his temperature. He doesn’t need that from me. He needs an anchor, not a doctor; though if this doesn‘t go our way, he could end up needing both.

I sigh and ease myself under Jed’s arm to get closer. He nuzzles my hair with his nose and squeezes my shoulder.

“I love you, no matter what happens. I trust in you and your love for us. That won’t ever go away.” He seems relieved to hear that. I hope he never had to doubt it.

“Promise?”

“Do I need to?”

“Please?” The despair in his voice pushes me to voice what I never thought I‘d have to.

“My love for you, our love for you, will never die.”

“Even if they do?” I hide my face in his shirt, but nod my ascent.

“Even if they do.”

“They can’t die.” I peek up over his collar.

“Why not?” I can’t even believe I’m asking.

“Because they’re Barrington’s. They’ve got the Daughters of the American Revolution on their side. Not to mention some pirates.” I chuckle into his shoulder.

“Privateers.” He snorts wryly.

“Glorified pirates.”

“I’ll let you have that one, jackass.” I let a moment pass as I look over my shoulder at Charlie, who’s looking sadly out the window. There’s nothing I can say to him. So, I keep my false hopes to myself. There’s only one man I can help now. “Changed my mind. Privateers.”

“If you say so, Pirate Jenny.” I only wiggle my eyebrows with a smile. “Don’t come on to me. You can’t keep up.” As I ready to get into a debate over just whom has more stamina than whomelse, the ER doors open and I completely forget.

And for the first time, I realize just how long I’ve been gone from medicine. Because I’m looking into his eyes and I haven’t got the slightest idea what he’s about to say. I only have one prayer left…

Please, don’t take my children away.

I’ve just started to love them and this can’t be the end.

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