Author: Regency

Title: Even After All This Time

Category: Drama/Angst

Pairing: Not yet decided

Season/Sequel: Whatever season Mac accepted Mic's ring. Things are really getting bad between him and Mac.

Summary:

AU2: I've decided not to choose a POV just yet. I'll write the story and let the POV choose itself. This takes up from the last line of "No More Tears?"

I'm standing beside you, your head is laid down. I wonder. Can you see me Harmon Rabb? I can see you.

I see the tears on your cheeks, sliding aimlessly towards your work and I can't help thinking that maybe you should move those papers before they get ruined. They look kind of important. You follow my instructions and push all of your case notes to the safe edge f the desk, away from those tears. You push the away in disgust, but not in disgust of them; but in disgust of the fact that you can hurt-even kill a human being unintentionally- yet you're worried about a bunch of papers. I can read you like the back of my hand.

I look down to the back of said hand. What the hell is that? I look up to you. Maybe I don't know you as well as I thought I did.

Hammer, you're still hurting inside. I'm hurting for you. And right now that's all I know and all I need to know.

You rise from your seat and gather your things; cover, overcoat, briefcase. You head reluctantly for the door of your office.

"I'm right behind you, Hammer. 200%." You stop for a moment and turn in my direction and just for a moment, I know…You see me, feel me, hear me. You brow furrows and you shake your head. You think, 'I can't be real. I can't possibly be here. Not after all this time.'

Well, guess what, Hammer? I am real. Even after all this time. I can't help stepping closer to you; right in front of your face. And even after all of this; I still can't get used to you looking through me the way you do. I wanna scream, "Don't look through me. Look at me. It's me. Don't you remember?" You do. I know.

The drive home is silent, but why wouldn't it be? There's no one here you should be talking to. Least of all me.

I watch the streetlights reflected in the your blue and silver flecked eyes. Only in the lights' reflection does the damage that's been done show. Reflected in the light is your shadow over me. Your shadow leans long across me, but it's unlike you. Where you sit instinctively straight, your shadow hunches forward with sagged shoulder to your square ones. He's your defeatist side and I will not let him win. Not because Sarah MacKenzie hurt you. You're stronger than a woman Harm. Especially this woman. I know you love her, but please, don't let this be the end.

I wish there was some way to convey to you my strength. I look to my hands again. If an angel's tears can injure, could a touch kill? Oh, I hope not. I reach out to you and gently lay my fingers against the rough skin of your jaw. You don't immediately react, but are taken a bit aback for an moment.

As we brake for a red-light, you reach up to the touch the place my fingers just lay. You quietly call for me, because, even after all this time. You know my touch. I vainly come closer to your ears and whisper, "I'm here. Even after all this time I'm here."

The light changes and we continue to drive back to your apartment. I've never seen this one. Even after watching you for over the eighteen years. And I'll continue to watch you, Harmon. Even now; after all this time.

You're talking to me or to yourself. I'm not quite sure which, but you're asking for my help. And here I am. Still, after all this time.

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